A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
What kind of money do snowmen use?
Q. What did the elf use to make him taller?
A. He used elf raising flour.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word ‘analyze’ in it.
Pupil: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o’clock.
Which soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
What do you call a nervous witch?
What do you call a girl with the Titanic on her head?
Who was the first underwater spy?
What has webbed feet and fangs?
Why do vikings never send e-mails?
They prefer to use Norse code.
Did you see which way the programmer went?
He went DATA way.
What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?
A big mac.
What should do you do if your computer starts to hum?
Tell it to change its socks.
How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?
Hide their trainers.
What does a proud computer call his little son?
A microchip off the old block.
William Who surfs the Internet and goes, ‘Choo, Choo’?
Thomas the Search Engine.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes.
Back Up My Hard Drive? I can’t find the reverse switch!
Do you have any grandchildren?
No, all my children are just ordinary.
What is short, green and goes camping?
A new boy scout.
Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of eggs?
He only did it for a yolk.
What did Brian say when he wanted his older brother to stop holding his plastic building bricks?
Where did the dog breeder deposit his savings?
In Bark-lays Bank.
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? “Sorry, it was a freak hic.”
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Why did the bees go on strike?
Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
Did you hear about the man who entered a pun contest in a newspaper. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win the prize. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Finally after that run of jokes, or should I say puns in some case? Here are some selected cartoons