Some jokes to start off the weekend

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot

of my bed.

At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified.


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.

As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a

coffin, 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it.

I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our

local pet shop and they were £70!!!


Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could

check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown.’


On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking


I thought, ‘What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?’


Thanks to my friend Kirk for sending these by email


Author: wirelesswaffle

A radio enthusiast from the UK - but also includes humour and comments on a wide variety of subjects including music and photos. A hobby site

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