A lorra lorra larfs!

Some light relief from a batch of emails received:
 Cannot understand why the first one is addressed to women and not men!  Wallet and not purse would be appropriate?
Subject: FW: Purse Scam

Please pass to all your female friends

 Please please please – make yourself aware of where this is happening AND tell your friends!

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever ‘Eastern European’ scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Morrisons for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking young men with foreign accents come over to your car and help pack your shopping into the boot. They then both start cleaning your windscreen. Their firm young bodies bulging out of their skimpy vest tops. It’s impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they’ll say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, Tesco’s. You agree and they both get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting himself against you, while the other one steals your purse!

 I had my purse stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend.

So Be Warned!

 P.S. Lidl have purses on sale for £1.99 each, Aldi are £1.75 and look nicer.

Subject: CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN 
1.      This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 )
2.      Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6 )
3.      If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7 )
4.      Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6 )
5.      A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8 )
6.      My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6 )
7.      When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7 )
8.      Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6 )
9.      I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6 )
10. Some fish are dangerous.. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7 )
11. When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6 )
12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8 )
13. On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7 )
14. The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6 )
15. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
 Modern Woman portrayed by pictures


 
  
  
 

 
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